Obama’s trip to Thailand will be his first as US President. How exciting! But just as we were about to go on a sexy lingerie shopping spree in preparation for a torridly warm welcome, it dawned on us what this visit is really about. Let’s not kid ourselves, it’s Myanmar he’s fluttering his eyelashes at.How did we go from being the cornerstone of US foreign policy in Southeast Asia to being a side trip? Did we not build you entire streets, heck even a city, full of brothels, oh ungrateful yanks? Did we not name khao pad America, that culinary triumph, after your great nation?

What a week it’s been, with so many things to worry about on the international stage: US elections, new president in China, Thaksin in Myanmar, Myanmar’s president in Thailand, Yingluck in Laos, Bali and the UK... For a second there, we thought we’d actually have to acknowledge the fact that Thailand isn’t the world’s only nation.Thank God that’s all over and Xi Jinping is safely in the White House.

Tony Soprano isn’t the only one who loses out with the termination of the direct SIA flight from Singapore to Newark, until last week the world’s longest commercial flight at 9,500 miles. The mob boss no longer has easy access to Bedok Reservoir to dispose of his bodies, while New Jersey’s second most famous son (and One True Boss), Bruce Springsteen, will now find it that much harder to buy his tour handkerchiefs on the cheap at Mustafa.But it’s we in Singapore who are really going to feel the pinch.

(Bangkok, Thailand) In a shocking revelation, it appears the beloved Governor of Bangkok was kept prisoner under Bangkok Futsal Arena for two weeks by a global cabal seeking to besmirch Bangkok’s good name. In lieu of the real governor, this criminal organization also sent out Sukhumbhand lookalikes to defame him.According to unconfirmed reports, the Governor was kidnapped after his morale boosting visit to Bangkok Futsal Arena to ensure the troubled project was completed in time for the FIFA Futsal World Cup.

On the occasion of our 17th anniversary we sought the views of a random selection of the nation’s 17 year olds, for some honest and unvarnished insight into what we need to do to stay current and on trend as the city’s leading lifestyle magazine. The results were... mixed. Here’s what they had to say.i love u i-s magazine! i mean, i can never find u but i totally love u when i do (which i dont). like totes congrats. can’t believe ur 17 already. OMFG?!!!!?! just like me!!! r u totally horny all the time 2?I don’t get it. You wanna be edgy, right? Wanna be cool and independent?

There was a report on the BBC last week detailing how much it costs to go watch a game of football in England these days. We weren’t that interested—sure, the B280 Manchester United charges for a pie and a cup of tea is pretty steep, but we watch the games for free via a dodgy Indonesian feed with a plate of B80 naem and a Leo. But then we read that our dear House Speaker Somsak Kiatsuranond and eight other Pheu Thai MPs had recently blown B4.8 million of taxpayers’ money on a trip to the UK.

In light of the last-minute banning by the MDA of satirical movie Sex.Violence.FamilyValues, what cuts are likely to befall the rest of the year’s blockbusters? Some confidential notes from the Films Consultative Panel clue us in…Paranormal Activity 4 (October 25). Ghosts are good. Ghosts are great! We like ghosts. But these amateur production values are dangerous. Before you know it, you’ll have kids running around thinking they can be film directors, not bankers, lawyers or doctors. You have one week to polish this one up.Skyfall (November 1).

Dear Pry Ministur,It's me Nong Daeng. How r u? I want to write to you to say congrats on winning your prize the other day. My dad said the UN gave you a plague for looking so hot during the floods last year. Well done! It's a shame there have not been more floods this year. Even filling the sewers with sand bags doesn't seem to have worked, so I didn't get any time off school, that sux.It's too bad you couldn't go and pick up the award yourself. I hear you had to be on TV. I don't blame you, because being on TV is more important than being Pry Ministur.

For four years, we’ve waited for a sighting of His Glorious Gubernatorial Graciousness MR Sukhumbhand Paribatra. Well, the time has come, Bangkok. GGG MR SP is back and he loves you just as much as he did the last time he needed your votes. Here’s a quick recap of the gov’s campaign trail kick-assery so far:His first appearance was to declare that his proudest achievement for the past three years was to add a halal kitchen to Nong Chok Hospital. Sweet! The lack of a good goat curry to chow down on after a tonsillectomy was indeed high on our list of gripes.

SUBMISSION LETTER REGARDING SINGAPORE GRAND PRIX RENEWALAugust 2012To: The Eternal and undying Leader, mr. Bernard Ecclestone, Esq.From: [redacted]Dear Bernie (can we call you Bernie? Are we even allowed to look you in the eye yet?),First of all, have we told you how much we love those funny little spectacles of yours? And that hair! So regal. So presidential. Have you thought about getting it sponsored?Now down to business. Pleeeeease can we keep our F1? Pretty please?