Like many local news portals, blogs and websites our thoughts have of late been dominated by a truly shocking and unexpected development. A turn of events so dark and twisted it brought many of us together in shared outrage. Some of us chose to go offline for a day in solidarity. Others gathered publicly to express their anger. Together, we vowed never to let our guard down again.

“V for Thailand.” Really? Can this Guy Fawkes thing get any more entertaining? Look, we went to an actual Guy Fawkes rally on Silom, and it’s pretty clear that these fabulous uncles and aunties in masks—all 12 of them—are basically yellow shirts. And, well, we hope we won’t cause any heart palpitations by saying this, but, uhm, Guy Fawkes, he was, uhm—well, this is in the history books, you know. Oh darn it, it was a long time ago and in the UK so we’ll just come out and say it, Guy Fawkes wasn’t just trying to blow up parliament and the King of England… Guy Fawkes was gay!

Ask an expat what he likes most about Singapore, and chances are the answer will be “How easy it is to get away!”

Pheua Thai spokesman Prompong Nopparit recently met with legal experts to discuss taking legal action against people using the Guy Fawkes mask (made popular by the movie V for Vendetta) as their Facebook profile picture.

It’s the end of an era. After three decades in the game, two titans of their game are stepping down. In one corner we have Sir Alex Ferguson, Manager of Manchester United and a legend in his own lifetime. In the other, we have… Singa the Courtesy Lion, Manager of Manners and erstwhile mane man.

Both parties have talked about being exhausted after years of struggling to make people see things their way; and said they need a break. Between us? We’re just waiting for them to admit that they’ve simply decided to switch roles.

Freedom of speech is once more a hot topic. For one, we got a crap ranking in the yearly Press Freedom Index. And then the Democrats tried to shut Yingluck up for saying their government was not democratic. Yingluck followed suit by suing everyone who called her a female dog and prostitute, be they hackers or cartoonists from Thai Rath. And finally the Red Shirts tried to shut up Thai Rath by throwing petanque balls at the newspaper’s windows. And this is where we draw the line.

It’s that time again! That time when we run out of time to prepare a proper editorial and so revert to a multiple choice news quiz! Pencils at the ready…

1) In this year’s May Day Speech, PM Lee assured us he was strengthening what?

a. His glutes, in time for the Sundown Marathon
b. Social safety nets
c. The bullet-proof, gold-plated toilet door at the Istana

2) How did the owner of a $1M Ferrari discover that valets at RWS had taken his car for an hour-long joyride last week?

You might have read the recent controversy about our prime minister having been compared to a prostitute. In retaliation, we here at the union of anti-Pheu Thai cartoonists would like to reaffirm the strict media guidelines we adhere to:  1. Politicians will only be insulted on the basis of their gender if they are women.  2. Politicians will only be insulted on the basis of their gender by men.  3.

Redacted draft of a letter intercepted on a bumboat somewhere off the coast of Changi, April 2013

Dear Resident,

We, the Office for Relocation, Fiendishness and Utter Lunacy (ORFUL), are sending you this letter to reassure you that, contrary to recent reports in the press, under no circumstances will you be forced to leave your sorry excuse for a home on the backward, wild pig-infested island of Pulau Ubin.

According to an ABAC poll, 80 percent of Thais would be disappointed if the 4.6 sq km around Preah Vihear was managed by Cambodia under a plan to make the temple a World Heritage Site.

“Disappointed”? The two other options available were “moderately disappointed” and “not very disappointed.” What about “super disappointed”? What about “crushed”? What about “I’ll chew on my fingers until my hands are bloody little stumps, and then I’ll punch walls while singing a sad song”? Disappointment doesn’t even begin to describe the depth of our rage.