Yes, it’s that time of year again. Yes, again. You’re welcome. For the indecisive, Anantara Bangkok Siam is offering three fixed-price deals at its three restaurants, all B4,990++ for two people sans booze, just off of Ratchadamri station.

Under new chef Kevin Montorfano at Biscotti, lovers can expect lime-flavoured tuna starter, Hokkaido scallops with caviar, cream of artichoke with black truffle, and a main of Wagyu steak with foie gras, according to a recent press release from Anantara, finished off with a blooming chocolate and raspberry rose cake.

Madison, the brand’s downtown steakhouse, will feature oysters, homemade foie gras and black truffle terrine, butter-roasted snow fish and Wagyu steak with truffle mashed potato and whiskey sauce and round things off with a baked Alaska flambé with red fruit. 

For something a little more out of the ordinary, Shintaro offers a 16-piece Valentine’s omakase set, featuring raw oysters with ponzu jelly to king crab karamiya and premium nigiri selection, relying on seasonal highlights. 

And if all that’s a bit too much, The Lobby’s Chef Anupong Nualchawee is crafting a lighter afternoon tea with Red Rose choux with raspberry custard and rose perfume spray, Kiss-Kiss chocolate praline, pastel-hued macarons, and more for from 12 to 14 February, 2:00 pm - 6:00 pm at B 1,950++ per couple. 

And if for couples looking for a little more than dinner, you can book the More Time For Love (B7,499) package for complimentary bubbly, romantic dinner for two at one of the three main venues above, and a little late check out so you can spend a little bit more time…being romantic.

Question 6:
One day, over breakfast, my girlfriend casually brought up incorporating something bizarre into our sexual routine. I was surprised but thought it would be fun to try, and she suggested sploshing. However, I’m not keen on the idea of eating my breakfast off her, especially when it’s, say, my favorite meal of nasi lemak and coffee. I could pretend to enjoy it but I have an extremely strong gag reflex. How do I talk to her about this?

Dr. Martha Lee Sploshing is a sexual and sensual food party, in which participants cover each other in foods of different tastes, textures, and temperatures. Eating the food off each other is optional. Have an open conversation with your girlfriend and understand what her specific ideas about engaging in such activities are. For instance, does she see herself being the dominant, the “top,” “in charge,” or being the submissive, the “bottom,” the subservient partner? Ask her what she already knows and if she has had any prior experience. You most definitely want to get educated first before agreeing to engage in any activity!

David Tian Well, it sounds like you and your girlfriend have a very lively sex life! Congratulations! A good time to bring this up would be the next time you’re in bed in post-coital bliss. To be honest, I’m having a hard time imagining how the coffee part is supposed to work. Does she want you to balance the hot cup on her tummy as if she were a table? Or does she want to be coated in coffee and have you lick it off her? If that’s not your cup of tea, suggest an alternative. How about starting with something everyone likes, like chocolate-dipped strawberries and whipped cream? Or how about edible panties?

Mrs. Ivy Singh-Lim Well, it sounds like you and your girlfriend have a very lively sex life! Congratulations! A good time to bring this up would be the next time you’re in bed in post-coital bliss. To be honest, I’m having a hard time imagining how the coffee part is supposed to work. Does she want you to balance the hot cup on her tummy as if she were a table? Or does she want to be coated in coffee and have you lick it off her? If that’s not your cup of tea, suggest an alternative. How about starting with something everyone likes, like chocolate-dipped strawberries and whipped cream? Or how about edible panties?

Question 1
Question 2
Question 3
Question 4
Question 5
Back to main

Question 5:
I’m a woman but I feel an intense physical attraction to my female colleague, who is married with three children. I think she feels the same way. Should I do something or would I just be causing trouble for everyone?

Violet Lim If I were you, I’d take a step back because I don’t want to be the one who destroys someone else’s marriage and family. Like you say, you don’t know how happy she is in her marriage. But the fact that she’s still married means she is still keen to make it work. Also, she has three children. We all know that children grow up better in a normal family than a family where the parents are divorced. If she does like you, can you live with the fact that you are a home wrecker?

Mrs. Ivy Singh-Lim If I were you, I’d take a step back because I don’t want to be the one who destroys someone else’s marriage and family. Like you say, you don’t know how happy she is in her marriage. But the fact that she’s still married means she is still keen to make it work. Also, she has three children. We all know that children grow up better in a normal family than a family where the parents are divorced. If she does like you, can you live with the fact that you are a home wrecker?

Dr. Norman Li Letting her know is easy. The next time you’re alone, simply tell her. You’ll find out if she’s ready to start something. The hard part is dealing with potentially wrecking a family. I’ve seen this exact scenario play out before—the two women ended up fairly happy and moved in with each other but I can’t say the same for the husband and children.

Question 1
Question 2
Question 3
Question 4
Question 6
Back to main

Question 4:
I’ve been with the same man for a year now and though it hasn’t been that long, I can safely say that I know him well. I know he’s cheating on me—I can feel it in my bones. But every time I question his whereabouts, he accuses me of not trusting him. I end up keeping my mouth shut because I feel guilty and swallow my suspicion only to have it rear its ugly head again when he acts up. Should I start spying?

Mrs. Ivy Singh-Lim If you don’t trust him, find somebody else you can trust. You are the problem—love him as he is and don’t become a victim. Know the beast you are with. What motivates him—his cock or his conscience? Therein lies the answer.

Dr. Norman Li If you A) just can’t let it go, B) would end the relationship if you found him cheating and C) would not spy on him again if you found nothing, then go ahead and spy. Keep in mind that when we date someone more attractive than ourselves, we feel insecure because our partner probably can do better than us if he or she wanted to. If we are constantly suspicious, we are showing our weaker hand.

David Tian, Ph.D. If he’s really been lying to you, merely questioning him about it won’t get him to confess. You will need to do enough digging around to satiate your own suspicions. Until you have solid evidence he is cheating though, you should keep your mouth shut about it as it will do no one any good. If it turns out you were wrong and he is innocent, you had better make it up to him in a very, very big way. Use your imagination.

Question 1
Question 2
Question 3
Question 5
Question 6
Back to main

Question 3:
My girlfriend is just the sweetest person ever. Everything’s going peachy except the sex. It took me awhile to admit this because I didn’t want to look like an asshole; I believe everything takes time. But it has been six months now! I know what the problem is—she’s lazy. She expects me to do all the work for her and just lays there like a fallen log. How do I get her to put a little more effort into sex without offending her?

Dr. Norman Li It’s possible she doesn’t feel comfortable initiating anything. So, in the heat of the moment, ask her to do something specific. If she’s really the sweetest person ever, she will be happy to grant a request.

David Tian, Ph.D. If you want to receive, you have to give. My guess is she just lays there like a “fallen log” because you haven’t been arousing her enough. Try spending more time on foreplay and building sexual tension and anticipation. People like to reciprocate. If you can bring your woman to great heights of intense pleasure, then trust me, she will bend over backwards in her efforts to please you. What arouses a woman sexually is quite different from what does it for a man. It would help if you knew what turns a woman on in bed. Why not learn firsthand from the words of women directly? Start with a classic anthology of female sexuality, My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday.

Violet Lim Well, there are a few possibilities here. She might not have had any sexual experience before this, and hence does not know how to enjoy sex. Some women are also brought up to think sex is dirty. So she might just be going through it all to please you. Or, it could be your own sexual performance is nothing much to shout about and she’s reacting accordingly. Nevertheless, it’s good to be open and honest. Because the longer this drags on, the more it’s going to strain your relationship.

Dr. Martha Lee Have you had any discussion about sex or asked her how the sex is for her? I continue to be amazed by the number of couples who have sex but never have any meaningful conversations about it and how to make it better for each other. To you, she is “the sweetest person ever.” Does that mean she can’t tell you the truth because she doesnt want to hurt your feelings, especially when it comes to sex? Or is she just shy when it comes to sex? Is she getting as much out of sex as you think she is? For instance, is sex pleasurable or painful? Would she like more foreplay? Is she lubricated enough? Ask her some of these questions and really listen.

Question 1
Question 3
Question 4
Question 5
Question 6
Back to main

Question 2:
I work in PR, which means I should know how to read women’s signals very well, right? Well, I don’t know if I’m just unlucky or if women these days are getting more complicated. Two weeks ago, I asked this girl I’d met on Twitter to watch some DVDs at my place. Halfway through a movie, I placed a hand on her thigh and she freaked out. That’s not the only time something like this has happened. A girl I’d only known for five minutes at a club asked me for coffee after a night of dancing and when I leant in for a kiss after sending her home, she snubbed me. What the hell is going on?

Violet Lim There could only be two things that are happening here. First, you could be assuming too much. Second, the girls might like you when they first get to know you but as the date proceeds, they realize that they do not want to have anything more to do with you, hence their reactions. Either way, the common denominator here is you. Take responsibility rather than allocate the blame. I advise you to reassess yourself, your life, as well as your dating aspirations. Are you just looking to sleep with women on a first date? Or are you looking to settle down eventually and be in a lasting and committed relationship? Because if it’s the latter, it’s time you rein in those raging hormones and spend more time getting to know her better on the first date.

David Tian, Ph.D. Sir, you’re meeting women off Twitter? Ah, a sign of the times. When a woman comes on really strong, let her lead. Obviously, she’s comfortable doing so. In situations when the lady is the one escalating things, if she hasn’t put a hand on your thigh yet, don’t start touching her thigh. If she hasn’t started kissing you, don’t lean in for a kiss yet. Just follow her lead, be patient and the magic will happen. Don’t jump all over her or you’ll make her feel like a slut.

Mrs. Ivy Singh-Lim Perhaps you have a cold and clammy hand or bad breath. Why don’t you just say, “Would you like me to f**k you?” or “Would you like it in the front or back?” Don’t waste time. Life is too short. You don’t have to go to a DVD shop or have coffee after dancing. Just make your intentions known with a simple question.

Dr. Martha LeeYou may be a PR executive but that does not mean the skill sets you have honed for work are always transferable to your personal life. In the future, you do not want to make the assumption that just because a woman agrees to watch DVDs at your place, it means that she wants to be touched in any form or manner. As for the second incident you described, the girl asked you for coffee because she wanted to get to know you outside of the club—plain and simple. You sent her home but that didn’t mean she was ready to be kissed. You could have asked, “Can I have a kiss?” She would have replied either yes or no. When in doubt, ask. The consent has to be explicit.

Question 1
Question 3
Question 4
Question 5
Question 6
Back to main

Question 1:
After a heated argument with my boyfriend of three years, I ransacked his overnight bag and found receipts from men’s spas and gay bars. I also found pictures on his phone of him posing with a rather good-looking man. How am I supposed to react to this?

Dr. Norman Li As a three-year relationship partner, you’ll need to ask him what’s going on! Try to keep calm though; if he has been struggling with his sexual orientation for quite a while, he may not want to disclose anything to a hostile girlfriend. Research shows that men tend to be “gay, straight or lying”—they tend not to be sexually aroused by both men and women. So if he’s gay, your relationship is probably not going to work out in the long run.

David Tian, Ph.D. If a man is frequenting gay spas and bars and hiding that fact from his girlfriend, then the chances that he is gay are very high. Now the only question is whether he’s still interested in women too. I suggest you sit down with your boyfriend and discuss honestly and openly with him what you’ve found and how you feel about it. If you can be happy with a bisexual boyfriend, and if he still feels sexually attracted to you and to women in general, then this might work out for you, after all. But prepare for a rocky ride ahead.

Mrs. Ivy Singh-LimIf you can’t also love the beast in the person with you, you have two choices: Send it to the zoo or kill it. Life is too short and too beautiful. Why all the wasted energy to check on him? Use it for a better f**k.

Question 2
Question 3
Question 4
Question 5
Question 6
Back to main

On the scale of difficult things to do, navigating the world of dating and sustaining a healthy relationship over time are surely up there with persuading a 12-year-old girl that Justin Bieber did not create the universe and everything in it. Thankfully, some people know more about it than most. We rounded up the leaders in the field and presented them with some fiendishly difficult real-life scenarios. Suffice it to say that all of us can learn from their answers.
 

Meet our experts:

Dr. Martha Lee is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality and holds sex and intimacy workshops through Eros Coaching (www.eroscoaching.com), which she founded.

David Tian, Ph.D. is a leading lifestyle and dating coach in Singapore. Since 2007, he has personally coached hundreds of people to success in reaching their dating and relationship goals and now serves Singapore’s Aura Dating Academy (www.auradating.com) as head mentor.

Dr. Norman Li (www.normli.com) is an Associate Professor of Psychology at Singapore Management University and is a leading scholar on human mate selection and strategies from an evolutionary perspective.

Mrs. Ivy Singh-Lim co-owns a 10-acre farm called Bollywood Veggies (www.bollywoodveggies.com) with her husband, the former CEO of NTUC Fairprice. When they decided to get married, one was desperate and the other was drunk; even so, they have been happily married for 28 years.

Violet Lim is the co-founder of lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com), as well as Eteract, Asia’s first online speed dating portal. Lim is also an established speaker, sharing tips on dating and relationships at selected seminars, workshops and even weddings.

The Real-Life Scenarios

Question 1:
After a heated argument with my boyfriend of three years, I ransacked his overnight bag and found receipts from men’s spas and gay bars. I also found pictures on his phone of him posing with a rather good-looking man. How am I supposed to react to this? Answer

Question 2:
I work in PR, which means I should know how to read women’s signals very well, right? Well, I don’t know if I’m just unlucky or if women these days are getting more complicated. Two weeks ago, I asked this girl I’d met on Twitter to watch some DVDs at my place. Halfway through a movie, I placed a hand on her thigh and she freaked out. That’s not the only time something like this has happened. A girl I’d only known for five minutes at a club asked me for coffee after a night of dancing and when I leant in for a kiss after sending her home, she snubbed me. What the hell is going on? Answer

Question 3:
My girlfriend is just the sweetest person ever. Everything’s going peachy except the sex. It took me awhile to admit this because I didn’t want to look like an asshole; I believe everything takes time. But it has been six months now! I know what the problem is—she’s lazy. She expects me to do all the work for her and just lays there like a fallen log. How do I get her to put a little more effort into sex without offending her? Answer

Question 4:
I’ve been with the same man for a year now and though it hasn’t been that long, I can safely say that I know him well. I know he’s cheating on me—I can feel it in my bones. But every time I question his whereabouts, he accuses me of not trusting him. I end up keeping my mouth shut because I feel guilty and swallow my suspicion only to have it rear its ugly head again when he acts up. Should I start spying? Answer

Question 5:
I’m a woman but I feel an intense physical attraction to my female colleague, who is married with three children. I think she feels the same way. Should I do something or would I just be causing trouble for everyone? Answer

Question 6:
One day, over breakfast, my girlfriend casually brought up incorporating something bizarre into our sexual routine. I was surprised but thought it would be fun to try, and she suggested sploshing. However, I’m not keen on the idea of eating my breakfast off her, especially when it’s, say, my favorite meal of nasi lemak and coffee. I could pretend to enjoy it but I have an extremely strong gag reflex. How do I talk to her about this? Answer