(USA) An on-screen reunion with a dumb plot, lines consisting of no more than five words and forever-tough and immortal characters: yeah it’s true—if without the androgen, this movie would have just been, at its best, a third-grade “Toy Story 3.” But complaining women, stfu, because this is the “Sex and the City” for men, and that means people buy tickets just to watch some asses get kicked by a group of action heroes long past their prime. In this sense, Sylvester Stallone’s “The Expendables,” an explosive tribute to 1980s B-movies, certainly sates our appetite for guilty pleasures.

The Expendables (or if you like, Rocky and Friends) are a team of mercenaries led by Barney Ross (Sly, who in addition to directing is also the co-writer). Other members include Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), Gunner Jensen (Dolph Lundgren), Yin Yang (Jet Li), Hale Caesar (Terry Crews), Toll Road (Randy Couture) and The Brit (Gary Daniels). After a successful mission in Somalia, Barney is offered a five-million-dollar gig by a dubious CIA agent (a cameo by Bruce Willis) to overthrow a Latin American dictator, General Garza, who turns out to be the puppet of an ex CIA rogue (Eric Roberts) and his hitman (Steve Austin). Barney is about to turn down the mission impossible when Mickey Rourke shows up as a former-Expendable-turned-tattoo-artist to talk about how he lost his humanity after so long in the killing business (and there goes the only real moment of acting in the film). So, the gig is back on as Barney tries to salvage his own soul by bringing down the bad guys and rescuing the General’s freedom-fighting daughter, who apparently symbolizes the purity of humanity. And of course, his teammates follow.

Now you can complain about how it’s preposterous for Barney to risk lives for a girl he’s barely met, or you can shut down your brain and enjoy the outstanding action sequences instead. With minimal use of CGI or stunt doubles (I’m talking to you, Michael Bay), the never-seen-before dream lineup of macho blokes gives the fighting scenes a sense of realism that’s rarely seen in today’s action films. Loud machine guns, bloody knives and over-the-top explosions will bring you to action-man orgasm. Cheap and stupid jokes are rife, but somehow they seem acceptable and even enjoyable at times. The real comic gold comes when Governor Schwarzenegger shares his only scene with Sly and Willis in a church.

It’s a huge shame that the cast is missing Steven Seagal and Jean-Claude Van Damme, and the goriness has seemingly been tuned down for general release. But still, “The Expendables,” despite being nowhere near perfection, injects a shot of much-needed nostalgic steroids into the androgynous 21st century.